well, hello.

i'm trying my best to write a new blog post and i simply can't. there's so much to say, so much to convey, and so much to catch up on i don't even know where to begin. and so i'll begin where my heart is...with a gratitude of grace list; the mere fact that God's grace has overwhelmed my life to the point of being speechless, i feel inadequate to communicate His goodness in the same way that it's impacted my life. these are some ways i've learned more about the God i serve and the way He has His hand on my life...my life; and that's something for me to talk about.

-our family dynamic has changed since last semester. the hubby got hired at our church as the small groups coordinator, making him more available to us at home and equipping him for our future ministry. God's provision is always more than we could ever think we needed.

-homeschooling has challenged me in ways i didn't expect and has yielded opportunity to trust the Lord in areas that normally cause a bit of panic. as i do the best with what i'm given, God has poured His peace over future decisions that need to be made.

-i have had the honor to volunteer with the women's ministry on campus, coordinating the small groups for seminary wives. it feeds my organizational bug by keeping me busy with emails, planning meetings, and helping keep a very effective and necessary ministry running. i am still amazed at how the Lord plopped me into this position and how i see Him drive the ministry for His glory. it is an indescribable feeling to watch first hand how He equips and teaches.

-every morning i wake up i am reminded of God's strength. sometimes Jesus chooses to heal physical pain. sometimes He calms the storm within. but for me? He has chosen to give me a spirit of dependance and faith in knowing that He is enough for me. my spiritual healing is far greater than any physical healing i need and provides my peace within. most everyday is a battle to remind myself of what i just said, but at the end of the day i always land on the same side in knowing Who my victor is - where my alliance lies. i want to be concerned with the building of my character and the perseverance of my race. i want to get to know the me that He created and understand the purpose He's created in me. i want to deeply know Him and accept His profound love for me. even when i feel defeated before the sun rises, God has a way of waking me up to victory and glory everyday.

more to come on our trip, our holidays, and our family life together...

His sovereign voice.

i was staring through the paned glass this afternoon in the quiet of the empty apartment. i was perched at the dining table, sitting a little higher than usual. and as i starred from my higher than usual spot, i noticed how still the trees were. i noticed a man walking down the street, swinging his hand as he walked, lightly hitting the brick wall as he passed by. i noticed the quiet. the quiet almost seemed empty. the stillness outside left an emptiness to be questioned.

i have a lot of questions and thoughts running through my mind. some more pleasant than others. some that may never be answered and some that may be hard to hear the answers to. as i starred, i asked the Lord where the evidence of His power was. i knew it was present and to be felt, but i could only imagine His power leaving behind a shock wave. or at the very least, a ruffled leaf. why did things feel so quiet? so still? so empty...? and then He answered and i said this prayer in the quiet of my heart:

Lord,

sometimes my soul yearns for things that don't have answers. i depend on your sovereign voice to still my heart. your power is something i can't describe. something i can't explain. and something that my eyes cannot always behold. you are always at work even when the evidence is not visible to me. though your power can come in a crashing wave and a bolt of lightening, it can also come in the serene beauty of the sunset and the soft petal of a spring flower. you are always present. your voice speaks. ready my heart to receive answers and still my spirit to hear the power spoken through your voice. you are the only God like you...your sovereignty speaks truth and your will is perfect. you are awesome and holy. worthy of all my praise.

and wouldn't you know, a few hours later, we received the most powerful storm of the season.

journey anniversary: one.

{picture taken in nov.09 - half way through our first year}

1-2 by entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with Him, make us fit for Him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. and that's not all: we throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. we find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

3-5 there's more to come: we continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. in alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! -romans 5.1-3 {the message}

i can't believe this is it...the first anniversary of driving into the big city, setting our eyes on the sky scrapers that outlined our new destination. we'll never forget bumping down I30 in our moving truck, the hubby and i, as the girls stayed behind with grammy and papa. we were making the first arrival to sit down and have our renter's meeting, to sign the papers, write the first check, and pick up our keys. once our meeting was over, we had some time to grab lunch. i'll never forget how hot it was that day as we walked to mcd's a block away. me, in my polka dot heels {hey, i wanted to make a cute first impression} sweating like a true beginner texan. i clenched my hubby's arm, pretending to be confident as i limped with blisters along new sidewalks, new territory. it was all so surreal. we had made it...and it was all just beginning.

with one year under our belt, i'd like to say we're veterans to this all; but in reality, we continue to learn on a daily basis what it means to live the 'seminary life'. as i boiled ramen noodles this afternoon, i thought about college life and how it's not much different. hubby works for insurance, we buy books in the fall, we scrounge the fridge for something to eat...but yet, we continually see, hear, feel, and taste the goodness of what God has brought us here to do. only by His grace can ramen noodles taste so darn good and only by His grace does He bring us through each month with more than we could imagine.

8x8 photo tag.

in case you couldn't tell, i have been completely stumped and at a creative loss as what to write about...most importantly, how to write it. i'm the type of writer that even if i have something to say, i won't unless i feel comfortable with the way it's going to come out. even now, it's not workin' for me. i'm not feelin' it. not in the groove. ah, well. it's always good to receive a tag when there's nothing else to motivate my cells into action.

my sister-in-law over yonder tagged me to do a picture post - the 8th picture in my 8th file folder - and to tell about it. simple enough, right?

8x8:

i immediately thought, "how appropriate" when i came across this one. it was one of the many days that changed our lives. geographically. emotionally. spiritually. almost one year ago, this eighth picture in the eighth file tells a large, impacting story. what was once foreign and large, crazy and full of traffic, confusing and chaotic is now familiar and what we call home. it's beautiful and bustled. it's wide open. it's community. it's home.

for now.

this picture brings to life all of the memories that have made their home in my mind. all of the new friends we've met and poured into. the way my girl's lives have been altered. moved. it reminds me of God's faithful hand guiding us into a strange place. how He met us on the other side of the busy highway. how He continues to tell us, "I'm here."

it's the day we moved in.

said hello.

signed the papers.

shook hands.

settled.

started again.

that was a good day.

life, everyday {week thirty six}.

it's a bit ridiculous, really. the fact that it's been thirty six weeks. nine months. just a smidge shy of a year. my eye is twitching just thinking about it {no, it really is...literally. not joking}. thirty six weeks on this grand adventure of learning God's truth and being soaked in the radiance of His glory being manifested in our life on a daily basis - it's pretty cool stuff...even when it gets a little {or a lot} challenging.

i just heard something today during bible study that hit home a little. it caused me to reflect on our call and be humbled by what ministry means for us personally:

"ministry consumes your life; you don't just put it down."

that rings completely true in my knowing ears. but somewhere inside, i know and understand it hasn't even begun. sure, i've delved into the aspect of ministry in my own way {including my family - my first and most important ministry} and certainly jacob in his. and us together. but there's a whole different dynamic that comes with 'ministry' that we haven't even brushed up against. something that we can easily put expectations on and wildly assume about, but that we won't know, truly know, until we're knee deep in serving others. and yes, that thought can be scary.

am i ready? are we ready? that's something i hand over to the Lord daily. something that He is well equipping us towards. something that only He can shape and mold. it's not about us after all, is it?

{02.19.10} friday: we put these on. we take them off. and we repeat over and over again in the course of a week. do we even know where we're going and what we're doing? do i understand the implications of running my girls here and there when life gets a little too chaotic? priorities. my value of time. protecting my girl's concept of time management. some things i've been thinking about lately...

{02.20.10} saturday: this week's sisterly moment brought to you by saturday morning loves. pure and perfect.
{02.21.10} sunday: miley's moving right into the stage of wanting to help wherever and whenever possible. from helping make messes to now helping clean them up {yay!}, she has become quite the big girl. as you can see on her cheesy monkey grin, she's having a great time helping daddy stir the mix for famous sunday morning waffles.
{02.22.10} monday: ok grammy, this is for you. wishing you were with us during this lunch hour...sharing in chicken nugget dreams. i honestly never thought this would happen with this girl. she has a hard enough time falling asleep in her bed when it's nap or bed time. i guess i just pushed her limit a little too long today.
{02.23.10} tuesday: do they still make the "got milk?" advertisements? cause this girl was super proud of her milky moustache. and still just as beautiful as ever.
{02.24.10} wednesday: i adore this picture. it's going to leave sweet impressions behind as this cute family is also planning to move on with their ministry goals in a few months. *sniff* it's all just too much. at least we enjoyed a pizza/movie night together with happy thoughts on our mind as our daddys worked.
{02.25.10} thursday: i think i found a new love. i had the blessing of creating a couple of simple and sweet diaper cakes...one for a boy and one for a girl {but two separate mama's} for a shower tomorrow night. i found i could put two of these together with only one small package of size 1 and one small package of size 2. both cakes house about 50 diapers. with a little hat, some towels, a few baby accessories {the top polka dot bow thing is a headband} and a gerber daisy on top {with some "frosting"}, it was complete!

age five.

there's nothing like having a five year old ask you questions about life/death, God, heaven, and forever-ness that, in explaining it in 3 ft terms, helps keep it simple for your own life. let me break it down...

on the way home from the store today, jessa was firing away all kinds of questions about Jesus, God, and all things heavenly.

"God can see us everywhere we go. But how does He get here?"

"Where is Jesus? Where's God? What is a throne?"

"Are we going to die really soon? I don't want to die, but I'm not scared to die."

"When daddy gets really, really, really, really old, is he going to die too? Like in 'UP'?"

"Where is heaven? Is it in the sky?"

"Does everybody love Jesus?"

"What does God look like?"

after playing twenty questions, i realized she's at a pivotal age of soaking in the things of eternity. the concepts of the divine. and the understandings of who God is in her own life. things that go a little beyond the Creator of the blue sky and the green grass. things that reach a little deeper than 'bless this food to my body'. she's at the age where her imagination can become truth. and that's really, really cool stuff. after all, it was five that found me knelt by my bedside finding the same hope she's discovering. a time i'll never forget, with my mom right by my own side.

her simplistically complicated questions caused a little probing of the heart in myself. i tend to make my life a bit more complicated than it really is. i'm good at taking my circumstances and robbing them of the true experience they really are in the sight of God's will. i'm a pro at pitying myself for hardship, when in fact, it's a gift that's used to draw me closer to the Lord. i take challenges and forget to call them blessings. i tend to use the term joy only when i'm happy, when i'm called to 'rejoice always!'

with all of my adult-complicated-over-justifying behavior, i have a little girl to remind me that Jesus came in love and grace. He died. He rose. He lives. He has a plan. it's a beautiful, un-complicated plan that brings restoration to 'dying' people. and along the way, we're called to forgive, praise, hope, and endure.

Lord,

even when i'm feeling defeated, i pray you put victory in my heart and use it as a living sacrifice of praise.

sleepless night + blogging = this.

-over the last two months, at least one member of our family has been sick {i take rank with 6 of the weeks}.

-apparently, i'm allergic to the state of texas {it could be the hallow of smog over the city...or the cattle {what?}...or the fact my mom doesn't live here}.

-i miss bruchi's, tomato street, and wendy's with pepsi {among many, many other [more] important things}.

-i've been blissfully reminded that God's standard is the only one. period.

-oh, and that He's the God of the impossible.

-i am completely in love with my new flat iron. have i talked about this already? it was my christmas present and it is heaven to my uber thick hair. hello, i'm silky straight in about seven minutes flat {as opposed to twenty like my other one i fried in europe}.

-i adored the rainy/stormy afternoon today. it was just what my soul needed...fresh, cool air. clean. cozy. glistening drops on the window. a sound of peace. and a good day to continue the doom of laundry.

-my dad is in africa. this makes me nervous, but still all in one emotion. he's with a team consisting of several others serving the beautiful people in the region of mali. this isn't his first journey over there, and i'm looking forward to the wonderful stories of how God is working in the lives of His people.

-it's just really good to know that the Lord is alive and evident in my life and the life of my family. trusting in Him is the greatest thing i choose to do every day. He's active and aware of what goes on in our life - the good. the challenging. the ugly. He carries us. let's us walk. sometimes even run. we soar. all because of Him.

-so...american idol started. is this a good thing? why yes, yes it is. *wink

-i've been the most inefficient grocery shopper lately...finding myself at the store probably four times a week. ridiculous. so i've decided to completely redo our meal planning starting this monday with many new healthier options on the menu. this way, i can stick to what's written down and [hopefully] not waiver. last time i did this, i lost 14 lbs.

-i can't seem to ever feel completely organized. no matter how many tubs, bins, totes, or baskets i use, it just never seems 'enough'. i use 'enough' not in quantity, but in effectiveness to what i'm trying to organize. make sense? i need the help of candice olson.

-can i be twelve for a second and just say that i plain miss my mom. yes? thank you.

never alone.

with thanksgiving behind us, feeling like it was six months ago, christmas is upon us in all of its traditional glory. with the delicious holiday turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes from that day of thanks still making their way to my hips, wonderful memories with my auntie, uncle, and cousins linger in my mind. traditions for us equal football, snack trays, toasts with wine, and catching up around the kitchen island sharing life together while the turkey roasts in its savory goodness. the smell that fills the house is tradition itself.

we're being spoiled, in a sense, this holiday year. when we moved away, i had thoughts of spending our first christmas alone. knowing we are never truly alone, i still had this idea that we'd have to force new traditions within our family of four to fill some sort of hole that was left back 'home'. we're used to filling christmas day with grandmas and grandpas. with aunts and cousins. with fun uncles and the family pet. we're used to filling a table that seats twenty...a little different then our little pub that sits four. we're comfortable surrounded by a floor covered in wrapping paper two feet high. sticking bows on top of papa's head. we're used to the noise and the holiday cheer shared between a large family. a little different then the four of us quietly sharing a christmas movie on our love seat that holds two.

i found myself starting to get comfortable with the idea of a small, warm, and cozy christmas. just the four of us. humbled in our little apartment, celebrating the true meaning of such a glorious day. maybe the past traditions would be the starting point of our own to come. a launch pad for our own blueprint. in a way, i was beginning to find myself content with our current circumstance. all the while, still missing the largeness of what i knew would be happening back 'home'.

and then it happened. this usually happens when i come to a place of contentment. blessings always seem to overflow when i learn to accept the place i'm in. when i step back and look at what i truly have to be thankful for - when i take the time to see how something can really be good, even if it doesn't seem to be the best for the moment. the best for my moment. it happens. the goodness falls like a warm rain in the springtime.

i received the news that grammy and papa were comin' to town! who needs santa?! i think i've already mentioned this, but the meaning behind it is more than i can explain in a blog post. a big piece of 'home' is traveling our way to celebrate the birth of our Savior. a big piece of 'home' will be snuggled with us in our little apartment, watching that christmas movie on our love seat that holds two. a big piece of 'home' is coming to our home to welcome the new traditions into our family, to share in our peace of the season, to witness the joy on our girl's faces christmas morning. grammy and papa are coming to share christmas with us. and there's one specific little girl who couldn't be more excited!

traditions are fabulous and remembered from the age of four to ninety-four. traditions are passed down. relived. captured in each special moment. make this christmas a time that new traditions are welcomed, even if your circumstances aren't seemingly the best. remember that the Lord always has your best in mind. no. matter. what. take time to seek out the joy, the contentment, that's waiting for you around the corner.

peace to you!

capacity to love.

i'm trying really hard not to miss home. naturally, i miss my family and dear friends that seem distant, living their lives that i once was physically involved in. lives that i invested in. and them in me. lives that are genuine, full of love, and lives that are lived well. friends that, no matter what - no matter how far, i will constantly think about. pray for. and have strings attached to my heart for miles on end. friends who are a phone call, a snail mail drop, or a facebook message away.

i'm being reminded that we were created with a huge capacity to love and be loved in return. we were made to invest into each other's lives wholeheartedly.

sometimes, i get stuck there -emotionally, physically, and even spiritually - in a place that wants to help too far. when offended, hurt, or betrayed, i find myself wounded by what seems to be a lack of respect toward the time and energy spent investing. *{please take note this is not directed at anyone specifically by any means} what i'm learning and thinking about is called ministry. a path that the hubby and i are being told {quite often} is hard. a mission that we know we've been called on. a mission that leads to pain. reward. battles. and victories. a journey of loving through the pain. and having the capacity to love only because Christ first loved us.

i ask myself this: did Jesus continue walking His path - cross on back, spit flying at his face, people mocking, laughing? did He finish what needed to be done? did He still die for me when it was MY sin that led Him there?

absolutely.

did He let offensive behavior and disappointment change His mind?

no.

He loved until death.

He loves now through life.

what am i called to do?

gifted.

i don't know if you're aware, but today is 'national candy day'. this might be perfectly appropriate for those that still have overflowing stashes stowed away on top of the fridge, well out of reach of greedy little hands. and well within reach of little mama's who need a pick-me-up in the middle of the day. i'm just sayin'.

speaking of national days...jessa independently declared today as 'lipstick day'. to celebrate, she carefully glossed herself in her sparkly orange lip gloss, ready for her day. as we quickly approach her 5th birthday, i am becoming more aware and overwhelmingly in awe of her character that the Lord has gently touched her with. in every dainty detail, she is such a girlie girl. she is strong and rightly stubborn. gentle and compassionate. she has a magnetism for people, drawing them closer through her warm heart and quickly offered friendship.

she is a true gift. full of purity and life passion. creativity flows beautifully through her, escaping through her works of art as a gift itself.

i can't believe she's almost five. my baby girl.

fall back.

today was one of those days.

a day that was challenging. a day that was spent away from home...for too many hours. in an environment of awkward unsettling. of disorder. of waiting.

a day that made me long to just be back in the comfort of our four walls.

a day that, in the end, made me crave for my 'real home'.

my home with indescribable comforts. with sheer peace that can pierce any situation. with joy that can fill, no cover, the whole earth in a blanket of contentment.

oh, how i long for the pure essence of home some days.

Lord, may i fall back into your longing embrace. fall back into your waiting. into your desired presence as i long for home. as i long for you.

pouring down.

i'm sitting here, really trying to justify the need i had to drive to costco in the pouring texas rain {we're not talkin' about just a casual drip and a little drop there}. i've already gone and successfully returned in one piece, thanks to the angels who knowingly departed with me, likely hovering over every square inch of our subi. to put it nicely, it was terrifying.

have you ever suffered through those driving experiences, only to be left an hour later still thanking the heavens for your very life and the mere fact you survived? umm...i've had a few too many. and i don't seem to be learning from a single one.

on this occasion, i had a friend following me. only to add to my sweaty, white knuckles was this feeling of protection for the passengers following in a big rig close behind. most likely, my puddles were splashing up in her windshield only to blind her more. nice, right? and tom, our little navigation buddy, was pretty much the devil. his little, "stay left ahead and take the second right. merge left, but stay right. take exit ahead. exit now...hold on for your dear life as you cut across four lanes of merging traffic in the pouring rain. oh, and try to keep up", monotone, tricky voice made me want to scream. thanks, tom. thanks.

but as i gaze sweetly at my neatly organized rows of toilet paper and paper towels tucked away in my pantry, i smile. i just might have to think it was worth the trip. but only this time. never again in the pouring rain. never again with tom as my guide. never again with dear friends following behind my trail of blinding puddles. never again do i want to purposefully risk my life for a few rolls of paper products and dishwasher soap. costco just isn't worth that risk, after all {as she gasps finding out the truth}.

it makes me wonder...what other areas in my life am i willing to take a risk? i might fail. i might get splashed on, or even drenched. i might get laughed at. i might get made fun of or hurt. but when is it really worth it? when am i willing to step out and see?

Lord, give me strength to trust you in all areas. from the serious to the mundane, allow me to fall on you for guidance. allow me to always be willing to risk for you...no matter what. allow me to be rained on by your grace alone. thank you for your safety today as i crazily ventured out. thank you for watching over me with a warm embrace. thank you for always being worth any risk i'll ever take for your glory.

delayed.

it's been a very strange {insert 'challenging' if you wish} week...or two. i was supposed to start our "playdates" this last tuesday, but due to my sickly sideline-struck self, it is waiting until next tuesday for the big kick-off. i was so incredibly disappointed. the poor little kiddos are so looking forward to these fun times on the horizon and i had to dash their little excited bubbles for one more week. sheesh.

honestly, i've been learning a lot about myself during this planning session in my life. as i've been busy amidst not feeling well, i manage to keep finding things to help these playdates go off without a hitch. i was slightly afraid that i wouldn't have enough ideas to keep their expanding, creative minds fresh and engaged, but there are so many great resources out there. i don't even know if i could list the websites i've found off the top of my head...simply because there's been too many. one leads to another and another...and well, you get the addicting picture. *wink

and on this never-ending journey of finding crafts, resources, curriculum, books, games, and activities...and having a fun time pursuing my endeavors, i ask myself, "am i pursuing God in my life just as fervently? am i seeking after Him with the same excitement?" when after all, it should be so much more.

many times, the Lord makes Himself known to me when i'm not even being mindful of His presence. i mean, He's God. He's kinda hard to miss when He's a big part of your life. and i mean big.

how do i even get to the point of being absent minded? i answer, sheepishly whispering under my breath buried beneath a stack of pillows, "my pride. big fat p.r.i.d.e."

'p' is for 'proudly {in a horribly ugly kind of way} putting myself first'.
'r' is for 'really needing to rely on God in a heavy way'.
'i' is for 'including others in my search for daily joy - sharing in the experience'.
'd' is for 'depending on my hubby to help lead me to the cross'.
'e' is for 'expressing freedom in my God-given-grace-filled life!'

recognition, apology to my King, being others oriented and having dependence on a stronger and much wiser source are the ways i will pull myself from the quick sand of pride. the ways i will put on my daily armor against the challenges that bring absent-minded thinking of self. ways to turn my passions into seeking excitedly after God's thoughts.

i'm learning it takes time to focus. to focus on each moment drawing me this way and that in life. daily moments that suck my energy. that take me away from His Word. i'm learning to focus with new lenses on. it was a blessing to have some down time to think about how i'm using my passions and creativity for His use. how i'm pursing things that will, in the end, bring Him glory {that is my ultimate and pure ambition}.

and some days, like today, i'm wishing He could send me down my report card. i kinda need to know if it's worthy of fridge space, a bigger allowance, or just simply, a warm, squishy hug.

fighting for you and for me - for this country.

i feel incapable to say the right thing on fourth of july sometimes. the same feeling overwhelms me on memorial day and veterans day. awkward. incapable. inadequate, i guess. what do you say when so many have and are offering their lives so that my family can live in this country we freely call home? thank you just doesn't quite seem sufficient enough. but thank you is really all i have.

thank you that my daughter can wake up and watch saturday morning cartoons without fear.

thank you that my husband can wake up and make waffles in freedom and fill our safe house with the sweet aroma.

thank you that we can leave our house and drive away with real no risk. even with our hair freely flapping in the breeze, if we'd like.

thank you that we can go to the grocery store, the mall, the bank and the park with hardly a care in the world. thank you for reminding us that we need to care just a little bit more.

thank you that i can freely surf the web. freely join in worship. freely hug my family. freely walk my streets.

thank you that i can rest my head and comfortably fall asleep each and every night. sometimes even in the middle of the day.

thank you for fighting for me. thank you for sacrificing for me. thank you for standing up and giving your life...*gulp, for me .

may the Lord bless and keep you as you fight in a foreign land. as you miss your families. as you rise above your surroundings. may He let His face shine upon you as you work hard, sweat, toil and march for something much bigger than i could understand.

you are in my prayers.

today is to celebrate you and this great country you fight for and serve. may the celebrations extend past today and may we always remember. happy fourth!

so this is it.

my parents just left our place and are headed back tomorrow morning for their hometown at 5 am. we are officially "on our own". and i'm more than a bit sad.

we filled our living room with tears during prayer and a pile of kleenex left on our coffee table. i think the longest i haven't seen my mom is about two months. we already have plans for her to be back in october for two weeks...you better believe i'll be counting! *wink

mom and dad, we can't even put into words what your love, support and help has done for this transition period for our family. you've helped build a solid foundation that we can stand firm on. we know that you will continue to pray for us and we covet each individual word said so that we can bring Him honor and glory. we love you, we love you, we love you. and thank you!

tonight is just going to be hard. and maybe tomorrow. and maybe just this next whole week.

as the week winds down.

i want so badly to be posting my pics from venice, buuut...it's just going to have to wait. i'm buried in bubble wrap, cardboard boxes, and masking tape. every day seems to be skating by without a memory of what happened - a blur of events with a crazy lady just trying to keep up.

my hubby has an emotional few days ahead. like today, it's his last day working with his boss, who is also a very close friend. they are hosting a "goodbye lunch" for him with the place of his choice {he appropriately chose david's pizza - their calzones are an uber favorite}. saturday is his final day working all together and i will tell you that he is not looking forward to it. that's what happens when you love your job. and especially the people you work with.

last night was even harder as we met with his family to say some goodbyes for a few years - assuming funds will not be available for a fly back during his seminary training. strange to think that the newest little nephew will be four next time we see him {how is that even possible?!}. so many experiences will take place, little ones will grow bigger, and families will continue to change. it's all just a bit overwhelming to dwell on and hasn't hit home emotionally for me yet...but oh! just wait, it most definitely will in its due time. i feel a little disconnected and insensitive when i see the hubby tearing up at moments, thinking, "shouldn't i be the one with the wet eyes?" i remember when my best friend moved away after college to pursue a job in the big city i didn't cry until a good week later just laying in bed one night. i guess it's just the way i handle change. or something.

we truly are excited for this big adventure. this week has been a little tough with things slowly sinking in. not to forget, the stress of getting things organized. our move out date moved up one day and we are now heading out monday morning instead of tuesday morning. one day lost feels like a week! tonight will help slow things down as our friends are gathering for a celebratory bbq {thanks heidi for all of your hard work!}. the mere blessing of good friends is such an encouragement! and a little nice to know they'll miss us when we're gone. maybe? *wink.

well...this was a nice break, but i must be off. the potato salad i was eating is happily devoured and i'm out of words...for now. have a beautiful day!

it's a funny thing, really...

...procrastination.

i find myself doing everything BUT starting to pack. i have all kinds of reasons, starting with, "oh, it won't take that long anyway." and filling my time with thrift shopping for more summer clothes for the girls, blogging and being twitterpated with twitter (ha! didn't see that one coming, did ya?).

we continue to get borderline ecstatic with our re-location plans. we received more word about our housing with an actual official specific apartment. we have a room with a park view, which sounds lovely, and rooms that are right up my 'loving everything mini' alley. small. tiny. tight quarters. it'll be good and cozy - bonding our family in ways we've never imagined? all of this solidifies an address and makes everything a little more real than it did before. now, if it would only sink in that i'm leaving family and friends behind for a long, solid three/four years. blah. ick - i don't want to think about that right now.

which brings me to the procrastination. there's always a real reason behind all the "cover-ups". in a way, it feels like we just unpacked boxes. four months ago, we slightly settled into our place of transition, knowing it would go by in a flash. it just seems too soon to start wrapping my fragiles neatly in bubble wrap. too soon to start putting things away for the five day journey. too soon to "clean out" again (watch out, you may be getting offered more baskets, vases and little birdies to watch over while i'm gone). because did i mention that our new place is going to be small? no, i mean...small. as in, i have to find simply the bare essentials that i want coming with us. the girls have to leave behind their kitchen, their table & chairs set and other toys that just won't fit. i'll be leaving behind cute decor, wall hangings and furniture that just won't fit. jacob may have to leave behind his bike, definitely his kayak and other boy things that just won't fit. sacrifice - it's just stuff - our goal is so much bigger than a few household items, a daily chant i hear running through the core of my being. hey, at least we don't have to leave each other behind. and that, my friends, is what keeps us going. togetherness.

we've been continuing to make plans with my wonderful parents, who are driving with us along the long journey. by the sounds of it, our last day in town is tuesday, june 16. we would love to get together with anyone that we haven't seen in awhile before we head out. maybe a big dinner at tomato street? i know jessa has made it known that we are definitely stopping there at some point before we move. she is very serious about her spaghetti. anyway, our move-in date in dallas is june 26th. we must make it to my hometown, pack everything that is in the dallas storage pile, load the trailer and be down south by then. blistering heat, i am not looking forward to meeting you.

okay, so posting about all of this may have motivated me a centimeter of the way to start organzing myself to pack. hope you all have a lovely saturday...and go to the MOPS garage sale if you get the chance. i went yesteday morning and found a couple of treasures. it was mostly good to support the group i love so much for next year. great work ladies!

this is way better than daytime drama.

so i survived the long-awaited, agonizing thought of getting my wisdom yanked right out of my mouth. why can't they be called dumb teeth so we don't feel like we're losing something of importance? actually, why do we even sprout wisdom teeth in the first place? they obviously have no value. no life span. nothing of worth except the amount of money lost out of our wallets. i just don't get it.

i have come to befriend jessa's ice packs. those pink princess packs of frozen goo are sweet relief to my cheeks. i only experienced a bit of swelling an hour after the surgery, before i even had the chance to put cold pressure to my face. after that, the chipmunk cheeks haven't been apparent. and sleeping beauty and cinderella get a chance to rest happily on my face for twenty minutes at a time. if not those, i've found comfort in my bag of broccoli. that baby is the perfect punch of cool to wake up to in the morning. minus the smell of broccoli forcefully wafting up my nose.

so...the surgery. it was absolutely nothing i expected. i was looking forward to just taking a little nap while they did their deed. after all, the one other time i was knocked out at this facility, it worked like a charm. but this time, they pumped me full of 125 mg of a steroid (i think it was called hulk-azoid? totally kidding. no?) to help counter the 10 mg of prednisone that i take daily. something about infection? anyway, it made me so wired that no matter how much sedative they gave me to knock me out didn't work. i was alert, wide-awake-nancy the whole time. not cool. but honestly, it was the way the Lord revealed Himself to me. again. i was telling my mama that i have a sense of excitement before ordeals like this because i anticipate the Lord's hand at work during the procedure. He always brings me that peace that passes all understanding. the peace that shouldn't be there, but is. every time. it's like i'm tapped into this almighty grace of peace that floods my body. and no, it wasn't the laughing gas. God's stuff is way better. *wink. so for being awake and hearing the drilling and breaking of my teeth (i highly don't recommend it), i {hardly} felt pain. and i seriously think i heard a miniature chain saw start up in my mouth. yes? again, not cool.

the healing is what i was most nervous about, but with the best nurse in the universe, i've been feeling great (except for not sleeping - that horrible dose of steroid won't wear off for a few days. poo.). my mama makes the best chocolate milkshakes, mashed potatoes and jello. i know it's just jello, but i think she sprinkles it with just a tad of love - which makes it out of this world. i also have two of the best mini-nurses to provide kisses and snuggles when i need them the most. and some pretty rockin' ice packs - thanks for sharing jess!

so i guess expectations are not what they seem. and after reading this, there's no need to watch general hospital this afternoon. holy cow, i was totally kidding. please don't tell me you watch that...

why it's important to be a defensive driver...

...because it will save your life. case in point.

now that i'm calmed down and breathing a little more steady, let me share with you my near death experience (as well as the girl's, unfortunately). due to an insane, ridiculous, careless driver who needs to know what a solid yellow strip on his side means, the girls and i almost became the meat in a subi-ford sandwich. and i'm not exaggerating.

i was traveling the speed limit (45 mph) down a familiar road of small hills that glide up and down along the four mile stretch. i thank the Lord i wasn't glancing down at the radio. or my cell phone. or back at the girls. i thank the Lord my eyes were steady on the road. concentrating. paying attention to where i was going. and what was coming at me.

as i peaked the top of a small hill, i saw a row of vehicles (approximately four, maybe five), big and small, in the oncoming lane. i also saw a very large, over-sized truck right in front of me. the grill of the truck was gaging closer with every mile per hour he added to his gas pedal attempting to pass those that apparently were going too slow. surprisingly, i didn't panic. i kinda always wanted to know what i would do in a situation like this. oncoming car, or in this case, a monstrous truck. would i slow down? would i yank the steering wheel out of control, flying off the road? would i swerve right? left?

i immediately pressed hard on the brake and gently swerved off the road to the right, kicking up dirt and rock. monstrous-truck-man gained speed to squeeze into a gap between another truck and car in his appropriate lane. no time to lay on my horn. no time to scream. hardly time to even take a breath. he missed us by a split second. and my blood started pumping again.

thank You, Lord, for Your protection. for Your hand on my wheel. thank You, that You foresaw this event.

apparently, today was not the day to dance with Jesus. i'm definitely okay with that. it took me a minute to gain back the speed i needed to go to make it to our destination, which happened to be the doctor's office...for both girls. to add to our lovely drama today, the girls are pretty sick. jessa with flu. miley with the bad cold crud.

this situation today made me think about life things. situations like that tend to do that to me. not that i've had many of them. but when given a chance to really think about what's important in life, i like to take it.

eleven months?

whaaat?! 335 days? give or take oneish.

the last eleven months has gone by faster than the last three years. so it seems. i was trying to recall memories of this last {almost} year and am so thankful that i have oodles of pictures to help capture what has seemed hard to remember. does this just happen with the more kids you have?

we're finding she's not much of an independent player. she loves following big sister around - but then easily gets agitated by her. sisterly rivalry already? she crawls to find me in the house and then plops herself right at my feet. and just sits. it's really cute. however, in just the last few days, i watch as she crawls to her room to play by herself for about ten minutes. she must just need that me-time in her hectic little life. all that eating and diaper changing is a bit much. a little stressful to her daily schedule. *wink.

she has so much to say. a few of the words that we can interpret are:
jessa, all done, dada, mama, amen, hi, and singing to the elmo's world song.

other talents:
pulling up and cruising around furniture.
waving.
dancing.
finally taking to a bottle and sippy-cup.
sleeping through the night. however, even though she gives us a glorious twelve hours most nights, no matter what time she goes to bed, she wakes up anywhere between 4:45 am to 6 am every morning. i'll just happily take what i can get, as i stumble out of bed in the morning darkness. ugh.

some of my favorites from the past month:
a very stressful life, people. especially while getting two bottom teeth.