well, hello.

i'm trying my best to write a new blog post and i simply can't. there's so much to say, so much to convey, and so much to catch up on i don't even know where to begin. and so i'll begin where my heart is...with a gratitude of grace list; the mere fact that God's grace has overwhelmed my life to the point of being speechless, i feel inadequate to communicate His goodness in the same way that it's impacted my life. these are some ways i've learned more about the God i serve and the way He has His hand on my life...my life; and that's something for me to talk about.

-our family dynamic has changed since last semester. the hubby got hired at our church as the small groups coordinator, making him more available to us at home and equipping him for our future ministry. God's provision is always more than we could ever think we needed.

-homeschooling has challenged me in ways i didn't expect and has yielded opportunity to trust the Lord in areas that normally cause a bit of panic. as i do the best with what i'm given, God has poured His peace over future decisions that need to be made.

-i have had the honor to volunteer with the women's ministry on campus, coordinating the small groups for seminary wives. it feeds my organizational bug by keeping me busy with emails, planning meetings, and helping keep a very effective and necessary ministry running. i am still amazed at how the Lord plopped me into this position and how i see Him drive the ministry for His glory. it is an indescribable feeling to watch first hand how He equips and teaches.

-every morning i wake up i am reminded of God's strength. sometimes Jesus chooses to heal physical pain. sometimes He calms the storm within. but for me? He has chosen to give me a spirit of dependance and faith in knowing that He is enough for me. my spiritual healing is far greater than any physical healing i need and provides my peace within. most everyday is a battle to remind myself of what i just said, but at the end of the day i always land on the same side in knowing Who my victor is - where my alliance lies. i want to be concerned with the building of my character and the perseverance of my race. i want to get to know the me that He created and understand the purpose He's created in me. i want to deeply know Him and accept His profound love for me. even when i feel defeated before the sun rises, God has a way of waking me up to victory and glory everyday.

more to come on our trip, our holidays, and our family life together...

*coughcough.

i never thought it could hit so hard again. but here we are, a new season of colds, flus, allergies, and the common 'whatamacallits' {some are so nasty, they don't even deserve a name}.

it is so very, very easy to get depressed and bogged down with feeling yucky for so long. so easy to get overwhelmed with feeling like a hermit. so very, very easy. and roughly around last week, i had my moments. i let them come and then i simply let them pass. the germs still remain, but there is a whisper of hope behind each one reminding me to just be still. the Lord works best through those that are weak...and i believe not just a weakness of physical strength, but a weakness of will and pride. a weakness that promotes complete dependency and a vulnerable spirit towards God; who can, and will, and does in and through all. it is truly by His grace that i am saved from myself on a daily basis.

i'm continuing to learn that He truly makes the miserable beautiful. He turns battles into victories and pain into patience and peace. He's teaching me that He is simply, but so very profoundly, enough. truly enough.

His sovereign voice.

i was staring through the paned glass this afternoon in the quiet of the empty apartment. i was perched at the dining table, sitting a little higher than usual. and as i starred from my higher than usual spot, i noticed how still the trees were. i noticed a man walking down the street, swinging his hand as he walked, lightly hitting the brick wall as he passed by. i noticed the quiet. the quiet almost seemed empty. the stillness outside left an emptiness to be questioned.

i have a lot of questions and thoughts running through my mind. some more pleasant than others. some that may never be answered and some that may be hard to hear the answers to. as i starred, i asked the Lord where the evidence of His power was. i knew it was present and to be felt, but i could only imagine His power leaving behind a shock wave. or at the very least, a ruffled leaf. why did things feel so quiet? so still? so empty...? and then He answered and i said this prayer in the quiet of my heart:

Lord,

sometimes my soul yearns for things that don't have answers. i depend on your sovereign voice to still my heart. your power is something i can't describe. something i can't explain. and something that my eyes cannot always behold. you are always at work even when the evidence is not visible to me. though your power can come in a crashing wave and a bolt of lightening, it can also come in the serene beauty of the sunset and the soft petal of a spring flower. you are always present. your voice speaks. ready my heart to receive answers and still my spirit to hear the power spoken through your voice. you are the only God like you...your sovereignty speaks truth and your will is perfect. you are awesome and holy. worthy of all my praise.

and wouldn't you know, a few hours later, we received the most powerful storm of the season.

papa love.

it wasn't long ago that we moved here and settled in, wondering how often our grammy and papa visits would stretch in between each other. you see, we need these long hellos and warm hugs. they keep us going...counting down with gummy worms until the next airplane lands or in this case, motorcycles come barrelling down the road.

it's amazing what the physical presence of family can do. we are blessed beyond blessings with the amount of time they've spent with us and most importantly, with our girls. their investment into our lives has been irreplaceable. and we are thankful.

we are thankful for family all over that have invested in prayer and thoughts of our little family. we can say with confidence that we feel uplifted every day knowing that we are loved in so many ways. it really is overwhelming. overwhelming to know that God loves us so much that He has purposefully put those people into our lives for a specific reason. we'd be foolish to look past them...foolish to ignore their influence. foolish to keep walking without a glance in their direction to say thank you.

every physcial visit reminds me that there are so many more who are lifting us up in spiritual and emotional ways. and for that, i want to look up and say, thank you. i don't want to miss an opportunity.

as we've been soaking in every minute of "papa & papa" {referred to by miley girl} time, here are just a few favorites from the last 10 days. thankfully, we still have two full days left...

and a few from our christmas in july celebration on the 15th...i really don't need a reason to throw a little party, but how often do you recognize Christ as the newborn King in july?

i think she's in love.
it's a little known fact that when my dad visits, he'll be hanging something or putting something together for me. this time? he did both {you rock, dad!}.

exhibit a: love my new curtains that i ironed for six hours to earn {thankyouverymuch *wink}.
exhibit b: yup, ikea. thankfully, i only go there when {both} my parents visit. true story. haven't been there since december.

journey anniversary: one.

{picture taken in nov.09 - half way through our first year}

1-2 by entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with Him, make us fit for Him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. and that's not all: we throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. we find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

3-5 there's more to come: we continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. in alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! -romans 5.1-3 {the message}

i can't believe this is it...the first anniversary of driving into the big city, setting our eyes on the sky scrapers that outlined our new destination. we'll never forget bumping down I30 in our moving truck, the hubby and i, as the girls stayed behind with grammy and papa. we were making the first arrival to sit down and have our renter's meeting, to sign the papers, write the first check, and pick up our keys. once our meeting was over, we had some time to grab lunch. i'll never forget how hot it was that day as we walked to mcd's a block away. me, in my polka dot heels {hey, i wanted to make a cute first impression} sweating like a true beginner texan. i clenched my hubby's arm, pretending to be confident as i limped with blisters along new sidewalks, new territory. it was all so surreal. we had made it...and it was all just beginning.

with one year under our belt, i'd like to say we're veterans to this all; but in reality, we continue to learn on a daily basis what it means to live the 'seminary life'. as i boiled ramen noodles this afternoon, i thought about college life and how it's not much different. hubby works for insurance, we buy books in the fall, we scrounge the fridge for something to eat...but yet, we continually see, hear, feel, and taste the goodness of what God has brought us here to do. only by His grace can ramen noodles taste so darn good and only by His grace does He bring us through each month with more than we could imagine.

8x8 photo tag.

in case you couldn't tell, i have been completely stumped and at a creative loss as what to write about...most importantly, how to write it. i'm the type of writer that even if i have something to say, i won't unless i feel comfortable with the way it's going to come out. even now, it's not workin' for me. i'm not feelin' it. not in the groove. ah, well. it's always good to receive a tag when there's nothing else to motivate my cells into action.

my sister-in-law over yonder tagged me to do a picture post - the 8th picture in my 8th file folder - and to tell about it. simple enough, right?

8x8:

i immediately thought, "how appropriate" when i came across this one. it was one of the many days that changed our lives. geographically. emotionally. spiritually. almost one year ago, this eighth picture in the eighth file tells a large, impacting story. what was once foreign and large, crazy and full of traffic, confusing and chaotic is now familiar and what we call home. it's beautiful and bustled. it's wide open. it's community. it's home.

for now.

this picture brings to life all of the memories that have made their home in my mind. all of the new friends we've met and poured into. the way my girl's lives have been altered. moved. it reminds me of God's faithful hand guiding us into a strange place. how He met us on the other side of the busy highway. how He continues to tell us, "I'm here."

it's the day we moved in.

said hello.

signed the papers.

shook hands.

settled.

started again.

that was a good day.

let me catch you up.

i finally got caught up with 'life, everyday'. even though i seemed to fall behind due to an emotionally stressful week, it is a project that i have yet to get tired of and am excited to see God's faithfulness in our lives as we look back over our first journeyed seminary year {which we're coming up on in about two months - holy moses?!!}.

speaking of the faithfulness of a totally righteous God...He has recently provided in ways that just blow our mind! He has shown us that He believes in what we're doing so much that He's impressed it on the hearts of others to generously give. we just sit amazed at what He's doing and the plans that He continues to lay before us. the Lord continues to provide our daily bread and the ways that He chooses keep taking our breath away. He is awesome indeed! thank you all that pray on our behalf - during challenge and celebration, we feel the peace of our holy God. thank YOU!

the hubby will be winding down with classes by next week, but up to that point, there are finals and papers to be turned in. i can't believe a lot of our friends who are seniors are graduating in 20 days. this year has just seemed unreal. so much has happened in such a short amount of time. soon, summer will be warmly {or so hot i can't breathe} upon us and even though jacob will once again be overwhelmed with studies, i trust it will be a blessed summer. summer courses can be tricky because you have the same amount of studies, but in a shorter amount of time...which means a tighter schedule and what feels like more work. it doesn't help he'll be doing greek 103 and 104 during the summer sessions. gah.

back to reality.

the girls have been doing SO great! just overall - in attitude, behavior, adjusting to the thought of friends moving, crazy schedules, an emotional mom, a consumed daddy...they have been amazing. they take whatever chance they can to play outside and i have been enjoying the fresh air freedom just as much as them, i think. we try to get time in the courtyard everyday and time at the zoo once a week. the zoo offers change of scenery, endless rides on the monorail and carousal, packed picnic lunches each time, the 'ghosts of the bayou' exhibit {my favorite} and a mini lazy river that they love splashing in when it's warm enough {and when mommy remembers an extra pair of clothes}. *wink

we still have two very sick baby boys that are constantly on our minds as they fight for healthy little bodies. if the Lord places on your heart to pray for boy m and baby d, please participate in continually trusting our mighty God to heal and to be present. their families need peace. the doctors need wisdom. they all need to be wrapped in the love of the Father.

thank you.

profile of my day.

it started with the moment my eyes barely creased open as i lay still snuggled under the warmth of my covers. the floor fan still blasting its cool breeze in my direction. i always have a hard time getting out of bed with the fan going; i don't like being welcomed to a new day by a cold front coming in.

i caught an unwelcome glimpse of myself in the closet mirror. eek. for a moment, i thought i had permanent donuts plastered around my eyes. the swelling was obvious. the need for more sleep was obvious. the tiredness was beyond obvious. now, i not only was shivering from my in-bedroom weather system, but also at the thought of bringing my puffy eyes back into the world.

the morning forecast didn't look good.

i don't know how, but my weak and lethargic body *flumped* out of bed and made its way to the bathroom. i had to get moving, we had a breakfast birthday party to make it to by nine. it was a pajama party and though tempted, i passed on sporting my striped pj pants {as flattering as they may be. not}. after screaming for a good twenty minutes, miley calmed down and was ready to join our morning getting ready to head downstairs. preparation was minimal and i was thankful for that.

the storm was rolling in.

the party was lovely. the company was lovelier, but something was bringing me down. i hadn't even made it to the afternoon, but my emotional state was crumbling and my physical pain was increasing. i've had a hard week with my "symptoms" and living in chronic pain has started getting a piece of me i don't want to give away {i don't want to admit it}. but it's true and it's real. and it's there. something i'm going to need a plan to deal with and a prayer to make it through.

i was craving a nap more than any other day. but with a lot on my mind, i couldn't shut it off long enough to close my eyes. my patience was thinning and i knew myself well enough to know i wasn't going to be a very pleasant mommy when the girls woke up. you know the feeling; irritated. easily frustrated. tired. achy. it was all there, as obvious as the donuts around my eyes. i knew i needed help {something i'm always good at admitting *wink}.

the clouds started breaking up.

i started thinking about calling some friends to hang out with the girls for an hour so i could go have some alone time to organize my thoughts, pray, and paper journal {you remember that, right?}. an argument started in my thoughts about the selfishness behind that request, but knowing how much i needed it...if not, how much my girls needed it. as i was 'arguing with myself' {yes, i do this all.the.time.}, there was a soft knock on the door. i was changing miley, so i told jess to ask who it was. as she opened the door with my permission, i immediately heard the request from a dear friend for the girls to come play. are you serious?, i thought. God, are you s.e.r.i.o.u.s.? yes, He was.

He answered before i had to ask. because that's the kind of friend He is. that's the kind of Abba Father He is.

so i went and had my 'me time'. i was gone for an hour and a half, but because it was so sweet and precious, it felt like three. it gets even better...

after picking up the girls, we were sent home with the girl's favorite dinner - spaghetti. we enjoyed a short, quiet evening together before i put them to bed. they were asleep in five minutes flat...another blessing from above.

blue skies, baby.

when i'm busy noticing just the outline of my day, the profile, God is busy putting His fingerprints in the details...sprinkling His faithfulness like seeds in a garden. and that's how i want to remember the portrait of today. i want to proclaim His love in the presence of my pain. and even though i still have donuts around my eyes, i am praising Him for walking me through my day to the very end.

life, everyday {week thirty six}.

it's a bit ridiculous, really. the fact that it's been thirty six weeks. nine months. just a smidge shy of a year. my eye is twitching just thinking about it {no, it really is...literally. not joking}. thirty six weeks on this grand adventure of learning God's truth and being soaked in the radiance of His glory being manifested in our life on a daily basis - it's pretty cool stuff...even when it gets a little {or a lot} challenging.

i just heard something today during bible study that hit home a little. it caused me to reflect on our call and be humbled by what ministry means for us personally:

"ministry consumes your life; you don't just put it down."

that rings completely true in my knowing ears. but somewhere inside, i know and understand it hasn't even begun. sure, i've delved into the aspect of ministry in my own way {including my family - my first and most important ministry} and certainly jacob in his. and us together. but there's a whole different dynamic that comes with 'ministry' that we haven't even brushed up against. something that we can easily put expectations on and wildly assume about, but that we won't know, truly know, until we're knee deep in serving others. and yes, that thought can be scary.

am i ready? are we ready? that's something i hand over to the Lord daily. something that He is well equipping us towards. something that only He can shape and mold. it's not about us after all, is it?

{02.19.10} friday: we put these on. we take them off. and we repeat over and over again in the course of a week. do we even know where we're going and what we're doing? do i understand the implications of running my girls here and there when life gets a little too chaotic? priorities. my value of time. protecting my girl's concept of time management. some things i've been thinking about lately...

{02.20.10} saturday: this week's sisterly moment brought to you by saturday morning loves. pure and perfect.
{02.21.10} sunday: miley's moving right into the stage of wanting to help wherever and whenever possible. from helping make messes to now helping clean them up {yay!}, she has become quite the big girl. as you can see on her cheesy monkey grin, she's having a great time helping daddy stir the mix for famous sunday morning waffles.
{02.22.10} monday: ok grammy, this is for you. wishing you were with us during this lunch hour...sharing in chicken nugget dreams. i honestly never thought this would happen with this girl. she has a hard enough time falling asleep in her bed when it's nap or bed time. i guess i just pushed her limit a little too long today.
{02.23.10} tuesday: do they still make the "got milk?" advertisements? cause this girl was super proud of her milky moustache. and still just as beautiful as ever.
{02.24.10} wednesday: i adore this picture. it's going to leave sweet impressions behind as this cute family is also planning to move on with their ministry goals in a few months. *sniff* it's all just too much. at least we enjoyed a pizza/movie night together with happy thoughts on our mind as our daddys worked.
{02.25.10} thursday: i think i found a new love. i had the blessing of creating a couple of simple and sweet diaper cakes...one for a boy and one for a girl {but two separate mama's} for a shower tomorrow night. i found i could put two of these together with only one small package of size 1 and one small package of size 2. both cakes house about 50 diapers. with a little hat, some towels, a few baby accessories {the top polka dot bow thing is a headband} and a gerber daisy on top {with some "frosting"}, it was complete!

age five.

there's nothing like having a five year old ask you questions about life/death, God, heaven, and forever-ness that, in explaining it in 3 ft terms, helps keep it simple for your own life. let me break it down...

on the way home from the store today, jessa was firing away all kinds of questions about Jesus, God, and all things heavenly.

"God can see us everywhere we go. But how does He get here?"

"Where is Jesus? Where's God? What is a throne?"

"Are we going to die really soon? I don't want to die, but I'm not scared to die."

"When daddy gets really, really, really, really old, is he going to die too? Like in 'UP'?"

"Where is heaven? Is it in the sky?"

"Does everybody love Jesus?"

"What does God look like?"

after playing twenty questions, i realized she's at a pivotal age of soaking in the things of eternity. the concepts of the divine. and the understandings of who God is in her own life. things that go a little beyond the Creator of the blue sky and the green grass. things that reach a little deeper than 'bless this food to my body'. she's at the age where her imagination can become truth. and that's really, really cool stuff. after all, it was five that found me knelt by my bedside finding the same hope she's discovering. a time i'll never forget, with my mom right by my own side.

her simplistically complicated questions caused a little probing of the heart in myself. i tend to make my life a bit more complicated than it really is. i'm good at taking my circumstances and robbing them of the true experience they really are in the sight of God's will. i'm a pro at pitying myself for hardship, when in fact, it's a gift that's used to draw me closer to the Lord. i take challenges and forget to call them blessings. i tend to use the term joy only when i'm happy, when i'm called to 'rejoice always!'

with all of my adult-complicated-over-justifying behavior, i have a little girl to remind me that Jesus came in love and grace. He died. He rose. He lives. He has a plan. it's a beautiful, un-complicated plan that brings restoration to 'dying' people. and along the way, we're called to forgive, praise, hope, and endure.

Lord,

even when i'm feeling defeated, i pray you put victory in my heart and use it as a living sacrifice of praise.

sleepless night + blogging = this.

-over the last two months, at least one member of our family has been sick {i take rank with 6 of the weeks}.

-apparently, i'm allergic to the state of texas {it could be the hallow of smog over the city...or the cattle {what?}...or the fact my mom doesn't live here}.

-i miss bruchi's, tomato street, and wendy's with pepsi {among many, many other [more] important things}.

-i've been blissfully reminded that God's standard is the only one. period.

-oh, and that He's the God of the impossible.

-i am completely in love with my new flat iron. have i talked about this already? it was my christmas present and it is heaven to my uber thick hair. hello, i'm silky straight in about seven minutes flat {as opposed to twenty like my other one i fried in europe}.

-i adored the rainy/stormy afternoon today. it was just what my soul needed...fresh, cool air. clean. cozy. glistening drops on the window. a sound of peace. and a good day to continue the doom of laundry.

-my dad is in africa. this makes me nervous, but still all in one emotion. he's with a team consisting of several others serving the beautiful people in the region of mali. this isn't his first journey over there, and i'm looking forward to the wonderful stories of how God is working in the lives of His people.

-it's just really good to know that the Lord is alive and evident in my life and the life of my family. trusting in Him is the greatest thing i choose to do every day. He's active and aware of what goes on in our life - the good. the challenging. the ugly. He carries us. let's us walk. sometimes even run. we soar. all because of Him.

-so...american idol started. is this a good thing? why yes, yes it is. *wink

-i've been the most inefficient grocery shopper lately...finding myself at the store probably four times a week. ridiculous. so i've decided to completely redo our meal planning starting this monday with many new healthier options on the menu. this way, i can stick to what's written down and [hopefully] not waiver. last time i did this, i lost 14 lbs.

-i can't seem to ever feel completely organized. no matter how many tubs, bins, totes, or baskets i use, it just never seems 'enough'. i use 'enough' not in quantity, but in effectiveness to what i'm trying to organize. make sense? i need the help of candice olson.

-can i be twelve for a second and just say that i plain miss my mom. yes? thank you.

my prayer.

God is a safe place to hide,

ready to help when we need him.

We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in seastorm and earthquake,

Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains.

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

Psalm 46:1-3 the Message

tag: truly authentic mom.

my sis-in-law tagged me to do a post about five reasons i think i'm a truly authentic mom {gulp}. gosh, i have to say i've never really thought about this in detail. i mean, sure, daily i think of ways to be a better mom...but that means i'm always on the road to improving. so, what do i think makes me an authentic mom now? swing batter, batter, swing!

au⋅then⋅tic [aw-then-tik] adjective - 1. not false or copied; genuine; real
2. entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy

kind of a lot to live up to, huh?!

first and foremost, i have to give credit to the One who made me a mom - trusting me with two precious girls that teach me more everyday than i could teach myself. so if anything is authentic, it goes to Him; the Creator of their little souls...and mine.

1. i fan their flame for books. they will spend endless amounts of time a day curled in their reading corner flipping through pages and filling their imaginations with what they find in the stories. they eagerly plop themselves on my lap for a good read, wriggly with excitement. authenticity is found in the window of a good book.

2. i encourage everyday experience to be a learning tool. there's always something to be taught on the way to the grocery store, getting ready in the morning, or sharing time in the kitchen. and not just the obvious...i want them to understand the things that aren't seen, but that are learned from the heart. authenticity is found in moral teaching.

3. consistency. consistency. consistency. my all time favorite word as a mom. i try my hardest to not let mood, emotion, or situational circumstance get in the way of proper discipline and obedience. my girls need the stability found in a strong word and the overall smoothness to our day is dependant on this sacred word. *wink. authenticity is found on stable ground.

4. i try my best. i try my best to capture them in their happiest moments and be a part of it. i try my best to hug them as often as possible and tell them how much i love them. i try my best to get down on their level when speaking truth to them. i try my best to feed them well, encourage their good behavior, and dance with them plenty. authenticity is found when i give my all.

5. the most important way i believe i am an authentic {ie. trustworthy, real, genuine, reliable} mom is by training them to love and find total dependence on Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior {point your kids in the right direction—when they're old they won't be lost. prov 22:6 the Message}. there is no greater gift then to know and receive the love of Christ. authenticity is found in Jesus.

this was really good to think about, helping me keep myself accountable. i think it's important to reflect on our reasoning and motives in raising our precious ones. if you get the chance to do it, please leave me a comment so i make sure to take a peek at what you wrote. thanks! taggy mctagerson time...a rainbow sorbet of sorts:

ness

angie

heidi

mandy

tam

jaci

dani

sarah

personal reminder.

i've been in this state of mundane routine that's been trolling me along like a stick in the mud. there's always something special in the mirrored reflections of our everyday, and i'm afraid i'm failing to see past the daily schedules. instead, i'm humming along. barely rolling out of bed, not even a hint of joy in my shuffled steps. there's a lingered cough that won't stay away. a stuffy head that triggers drowsiness. and an overall pitiful-pathetic-me attitude that's getting me nowhere.

complaining has never been my shade. whining, never my size. i'm afraid second semester starts tomorrow and part of me wants to curl up in the corner of my closet. "hold me", i'll call to my sweaters, "hide me away in the warmth of your knitted hoods."

it's all silly, really.

when have i ever found a time in my life to draw back my swelling heart of praise to my God? i'm surely not about to start now over a few snot-filled kleenex and unproductive night's rest. cause after all...

No one who hopes in me ever regrets it. -Isaiah 49:23 the Message

update.

here's a few nuggets of news you can nibble on -

-we had an awesome move this past weekend with about seven guys and two friends of mine that helped me clean {they actually *like* to clean - imagine that}. we were out of our apartment with a clean inspection in less than 2 1/2 hours! previously, we were settled in a space of 750 sq ft. and are now in 950, giving the girls a *much* bigger room, an actual hallway, and a larger living room with a dining room that is somewhat 'separate'. it was such a blessing to move so early and knowing we can be settled here the whole time is really refreshing. there's no movin' up from here...at least, while we're 'here'. *wink

-the girls recently had their vaccines and it was pretty traumatizing - for all of us! jess did a great job sitting still in my lap as she took her four shots, but i had to have a nurse hold miley girl. for twenty months, she's a little fireball - strong and mighty. she took her six shots like a champ, but with a set of lungs like you wouldn't believe. i'm so thankful those are over...for now.

-i've spent the last two days decorating for christmas {while putting away other things}. let's face it, we'll be gone all day tomorrow and i'm hitting black friday on friday. three days after thanksgiving is just a little late for me to get the decor out. and it just felt appropriate once we unpacked and warmly settled into the new place. digging out what christmas decor i was able to bring, it probably ended up being 1/4 {if that} of what i own. the rest sits sadly in a garage back home. *sniff* i should just be thankful that we brought our little tree...and had room to put it up!

-i've been feeling pretty exhausted lately. with some unforeseen situations that the Lord has mightily been working out, i think it's been subconsciously taking a toll on me. i don't think of myself as getting "stressed out" very much, but i think our spirits sometimes tell us differently...even if we seem to be 'keeping our cool' amidst the storm {big or small}. with all of that said, i'm so small in this big world, especially in the palm of such a huge God. yet, He somehow makes me feel bigger than my mountaintops. *smile

Meatballs.

One night at the dinner table our blond, curly-haired, 6-year-old son sat remarkably still in his yellow booster seat, carefully examining his plate of spaghetti. He slowly stirred the noodles and sauce around with his little fork. “What’s the matter Jake?” I asked. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes, sighed so deeply his shoulders moved up and down, and said, “Sometimes you get a meatball, sometimes you don’t.” Then he scooped up a forkful of noodles, smiled and started eating.

"But the reality is that sometimes life isn’t fair"

He didn't get a meatball. And his two brothers got lots of meatballs, but he was willing to accept the fact that tonight he didn’t get a single one. After Jake’s comment I almost jumped up, counted the other boys’ meatballs and gave Jake the same number, just to be fair.

But the reality is that sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes we lose our jobs, sometimes a family member gets sick, and sometimes even our marriages are difficult. Other times we have plenty. Our children are healthy, our homes are warm, and we have more than enough to eat. The trick is learning to find contentment in any situation. Like Jake said, sometimes you get a meatball and sometimes you don’t.

Lord, help me to be content in each and every circumstance I encounter in life, and to teach my children the art of living a life of contentment.

By Jean Blackmer, Publishing Manager for MOPS International's Mom-E-mail

capacity to love.

i'm trying really hard not to miss home. naturally, i miss my family and dear friends that seem distant, living their lives that i once was physically involved in. lives that i invested in. and them in me. lives that are genuine, full of love, and lives that are lived well. friends that, no matter what - no matter how far, i will constantly think about. pray for. and have strings attached to my heart for miles on end. friends who are a phone call, a snail mail drop, or a facebook message away.

i'm being reminded that we were created with a huge capacity to love and be loved in return. we were made to invest into each other's lives wholeheartedly.

sometimes, i get stuck there -emotionally, physically, and even spiritually - in a place that wants to help too far. when offended, hurt, or betrayed, i find myself wounded by what seems to be a lack of respect toward the time and energy spent investing. *{please take note this is not directed at anyone specifically by any means} what i'm learning and thinking about is called ministry. a path that the hubby and i are being told {quite often} is hard. a mission that we know we've been called on. a mission that leads to pain. reward. battles. and victories. a journey of loving through the pain. and having the capacity to love only because Christ first loved us.

i ask myself this: did Jesus continue walking His path - cross on back, spit flying at his face, people mocking, laughing? did He finish what needed to be done? did He still die for me when it was MY sin that led Him there?

absolutely.

did He let offensive behavior and disappointment change His mind?

no.

He loved until death.

He loves now through life.

what am i called to do?

the cost of being thankful.

i thought i'd have a lot harder time during the first week of darker, shorter days. i don't like losing my light at 5:30pm. i have a right to it, don't i? wasn't it mine to enjoy and who gets it anyway? where does it go and who saves it for the spring? i want to know these things...don't you?

with that said, i think i did ok. no, it didn't feel like a 'shorter' week. it felt a bit longer, actually. but my evenings felt a little more cozy. a little more like the holidays are on the brink. a little more like christmas is peeking around the corner in all of its cheery brightness. a little more like hot cocoa with marshmallows and candles lit on the counter. and i like feelings like that. a lot.

christmas lists have been made and much shorter than any year ever. i like that we can't go overboard. i like that i have a limit and can't steer away from the true meaning of christmas with mass amounts of pretty bowed packages and sparkly paper. the girls are getting one thing to share from mommy and daddy {besides the traditional stockings} that will happily be sitting under our pre-lit 4 ft fake tree. we all know that grammy and papas are helping make it a 'good' christmas in the eyes of wee ones as well, which we are very thankful for. we also know that it will help us appreciate the one thing we get them. and again, not being blinded to the humble, true meaning.

so here's my thankfulness in what could easily be a frustrating, pride-smashing moment. and as christmas continues to quickly make its way to our doorstep, may my heart be humbled to the cost of our ultimate gift. a cost that i can never grasp, but freely receive.

hello, november.

i am so excited for november to be here. pumpkin spice candles. homemade goodies. christmas overflowing aisles at target. most importantly, reflecting on what and why we're thankful and how we can spread the goodness.

i'm praying for this month to be a time that i'm overwhelmed with a grateful heart. a heart that wants to serve. a heart that is intentional in how and who i serve. a heart that first and foremost, serves my family with everything i have.

what are some ways you can purposefully extend your gratitude to those around you? let's be intentional and see who we can affect for the good of God's glory.

work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. -colossians 3:23-24 {the message}

clay.

wouldn't it be so awesome and just completely, creatively filling to take a pottery class?

i think so.

i can just imagine the squishy, cold clay oozing between my fingers as i make my first floppy disaster. pride smeared all over it. i can just feel the grooves as the treading machine works its magic. the smell of water and minerals coming together in a fiery furnace. it seems to be an intimate, sensory experience. something i would completely love.

8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

to know, to fully understand that i come from the hands of the most intimate potter. the greatest artist. the One who creates the most beautiful masterpieces. i'm one of them. and so are you.

so many times, my clay cracks. bits and pieces fall off. some chipped away by the potter Himself as He chisels away the imperfections found in the clay itself. then, once again, carefully and full of gentleness, i am hand-crafted back together.

picture in your mind a potter sitting at his treading wheel. hands gently, but firmly clasped around his flimsy, wet, vulnerable clay. with intense and precise detail, he holds and molds until he's finished. all the while, grasping. holding. covering his work in his capable hands. he gets to a place where his work overwhelms him with emotion. the beauty of what he just created washes over him as a tear runs down his cheek. intimate. personal.

a work from His hands.

can you see it?