delayed.

it's been a very strange {insert 'challenging' if you wish} week...or two. i was supposed to start our "playdates" this last tuesday, but due to my sickly sideline-struck self, it is waiting until next tuesday for the big kick-off. i was so incredibly disappointed. the poor little kiddos are so looking forward to these fun times on the horizon and i had to dash their little excited bubbles for one more week. sheesh.

honestly, i've been learning a lot about myself during this planning session in my life. as i've been busy amidst not feeling well, i manage to keep finding things to help these playdates go off without a hitch. i was slightly afraid that i wouldn't have enough ideas to keep their expanding, creative minds fresh and engaged, but there are so many great resources out there. i don't even know if i could list the websites i've found off the top of my head...simply because there's been too many. one leads to another and another...and well, you get the addicting picture. *wink

and on this never-ending journey of finding crafts, resources, curriculum, books, games, and activities...and having a fun time pursuing my endeavors, i ask myself, "am i pursuing God in my life just as fervently? am i seeking after Him with the same excitement?" when after all, it should be so much more.

many times, the Lord makes Himself known to me when i'm not even being mindful of His presence. i mean, He's God. He's kinda hard to miss when He's a big part of your life. and i mean big.

how do i even get to the point of being absent minded? i answer, sheepishly whispering under my breath buried beneath a stack of pillows, "my pride. big fat p.r.i.d.e."

'p' is for 'proudly {in a horribly ugly kind of way} putting myself first'.
'r' is for 'really needing to rely on God in a heavy way'.
'i' is for 'including others in my search for daily joy - sharing in the experience'.
'd' is for 'depending on my hubby to help lead me to the cross'.
'e' is for 'expressing freedom in my God-given-grace-filled life!'

recognition, apology to my King, being others oriented and having dependence on a stronger and much wiser source are the ways i will pull myself from the quick sand of pride. the ways i will put on my daily armor against the challenges that bring absent-minded thinking of self. ways to turn my passions into seeking excitedly after God's thoughts.

i'm learning it takes time to focus. to focus on each moment drawing me this way and that in life. daily moments that suck my energy. that take me away from His Word. i'm learning to focus with new lenses on. it was a blessing to have some down time to think about how i'm using my passions and creativity for His use. how i'm pursing things that will, in the end, bring Him glory {that is my ultimate and pure ambition}.

and some days, like today, i'm wishing He could send me down my report card. i kinda need to know if it's worthy of fridge space, a bigger allowance, or just simply, a warm, squishy hug.