ms. cranky pants.

and just whom would i be referring to? M-E. me! guilty as charged.

in retrospect, i have absolutely nothing to get my panties all up in a wad over. yeah, so it's been a kind of 'challenging' few weeks, but come on, nothing to warrant a major 'tude. things happen. people have it a whole lot worse...which i wish wasn't true. plans don't always go accordingly and days get unaccomplished. so what. i get another day. i get another chance. life still goes on. God portrays that He is always good. again. and again. and yet again (she sheepishly confesses). and repeat twenty three trillion billion times over.

so what if there's still an amazingly huge amount of stuff to get done around the house to get it sold and i'm so sleep deprived driven to exhaustion that i don't want to even attempt to get my un-fun mom biscuits up out of bed to touch even one measly chore while at the same time my over-time working school-going husband almost took his hand off with a piece of glass by accidentally breaking a window to get our a.c. unit out. whew! oh people, that's just the beginning of it. and the a.c. unit is stuck. still in the window. while the window was in jacob's hand. yeah. ouch.

lately, i feel like this blog is turning into my own personal 'pouty ms. pouterson' place. as i suck down my cup of coffee like its some kind of healing power from a mug, i'm intensely reminded just how much sleep is needed for the body. i've become a hermit to my attitude. warding myself from places to go. sometimes even people to see. i'm not a sight to behold at this present time. my bank lady-friend (yes, one place i must go if we want to live in our house for another month) told me that i looked tired. she's not my friend anymore. ok, just kidding. but anyway, i've decided it's just not safe for me to drive. i urge you to hug your children a little tighter, as it may not be safe for you to be on the road with me. i have a tendency to scare small dogs, squirrels and little old men on scooters. so the last one was totally made up. but it could happen.

before i say this next bit, i want you to know i take full responsibility for the words spilled out of my mouth onto 'virtual' paper. two nights ago i wanted sleep more than a million dollars...err...let's just go with twenty bucks. i was to the point where my mind was incoherently wandering, just about to slip into that happy place called sleep. it was 11 30 pm. jacob and i had just got done talking. talking about how horrible i have felt - inside and out. how he agreed to feeling a bit of the same way. talked about our small stresses of life. talked about how God is always faithful to us. and then this happened...

i feel shamed just upon approach of my stupidity. remember, i was just falling asleep when...i hear her. "whaaa...ahhh!" i do a few of my usual grunts to waken myself back to reality and slowly, but forcefully swing my feet onto the floor. and then i said it.

"i hate my life."

WHAT?! come again? no, wait, don't. i can't believe i just said that! i even thought about it before it escaped my wretched mouth. even though it was said under my breath (and i so didn't mean it), it was packed with as much conviction and guilt that this little heart can handle. i had had enough. i wanted to give up. but that one comment slapped me into forgiveness for the weeks of this unadjusted attitude. i am a woman of nature. roar! no, no, not that kind of nature. definitely not that kind. the worse kind. a woman who can't handle things on her own. one who falls into sin when my pride and selfishness cloud my spiritual eyes. i immediately felt the impact of my hurtful words and needed to find restoration. i was forgiven once again. from the Lord and from jacob. yes, he had heard my muffled stern voice. how awful! there is absolutely-not-one-thing that i have to be ungrateful for or rotten about in my blessed life. i felt shame. because there are those that have an arduous life. those that struggle everyday. with unexplainable physical strain. emotional abuse. serious spiritual unawareness. those that are lost and feel unforgiven. it's only because of my sweet Jesus that i have a reason to rejoice. to praise His name even when things don't float my boat. after all, He is the only One that can speak and calm my storm.

i do know this. i am more thankful for conviction in my life because of those four hateful words. sin will not reign over me. it will not steal my joy.

i need a good slap every now and again to get myself out of my spiritual constipation. constipation = the need for laxatives = the need for the Lord = He is the best there is. and now, i will leave you with that wonderful vivid word picture.