hopelessly triumphant.

something happened today that i never thought would happen to me. i never thought i'd have to make that awful decision. feel defeated but in control at the same time. it involves a grocery store. a screaming child. and a frustrated mommy.

i should have seen it coming while *attempting* to shop for necessary craft supplies at michaels. miley girl was giving it her best. a tantrum escalating with little feet kicking and thrashing in the stroller as i was gathering the last items on the list. thankfully, i had a fruit snack to mellow her out for a few minutes to get me through the line. you might like to call it bribing, but i like to call it leaving-my-head-on-so-i-can-finish-what-i-started. granted, it was snack time and she was probably a bit hungry.

with excuses out the window, we left in one piece and i crazily thought i could run to the grocery store before heading home. after all, dinner was only several hours away and knowing me, the table didn't know what it was serving.

girls unloaded. walking happily towards automatic doors with toy cell phone beeping in one hand. smile exploding on little face. giggles squirming out of her as she wriggles with joy. mommy with high hopes.

SLAP!

girls see toy car shopping cart after mommy already loads little one into cart. mommy says no this time in order to hurry. littlest one starts screaming. tantrum. cell phone goes flying. feet kicking. lungs bursting. mommy tries to ignore ear drums bursting {and the looks of fellow shoppers}. mommy advice from MOPS starts filling her head of what to do in a situation like this. smack dab in the middle of grocery store. needing to get food, but needing more to be in control. needing dinner on the table tonight, but needing more for little ones to obey. needing to be prepared, but needing more for little ones to be prepared to listen.

thankfully, i only had a bag of two tomatoes in the cart when i had to make that ultimate, dreaded decision. this shopping trip was going to have to wait. dinner would have wait. more important issues needed to be addressed.

i never thought it would get that bad. i never thought i'd have 'that child'. i never thought i'd be 'that mom'. well, i do. and i am.

for me, it was a lesson and a time to strengthen my mommy tools. to sharpen my consistency. to continue building my boundaries and not letting them be broken down. i could have continued on and let her throw her fit, trying to ignore the condition and make everyone suffer through her vocals. and honestly, i can't figure out who 'won'. did she because we had to turn around and go home? forfeiting our chance to get the food we needed? did i because i stood my ground, observing proper discipline in the car, and then proceeding to take her straight home into bed?

we all have our mommy experiences that make us feel triumphant or defeated. we all have situations where we learn or we walk away, head down and hopeless. for me, this was a little of both. i just happen to have a wee little one that will take more time to discipline, train, and raise with joyful attitudes in the midst of trying times. in the meantime, i will be learning just as much as she is. if not more.

miley girl,

i know today was hard. i understand you were frustrated. mommy gets frustrated too. mommy wants to teach you how to convey your feelings with love and respect. i want to show you through my own demonstration how to be kind and listen to others. i love you, baby girl. we'll learn together and please, please no screaming in public {or at home} like that anymore. ok? ok.

love much,
mommy

dear grocer,

are the car shopping carts even necessary? children have enough fun in a normal shopping cart as it is and quite frankly, those cars are awkward in size and even more awkward to function through already-too-small aisles. not to forget, infested with who-knows-what kind of kid-unfriendly germs. i say dispose of them all together. it will save us the time and the matter of a possible uprising in tantrums. i'm just sayin'. it might be worth looking into.

a customer who really would like to come back peacefully,
-b