on random ramblings and irrational fears

yesterday, jacob was unloading a container at work that had been previously infested with...ready for this?...slugs. eww, disgusting, right? yeah, the container had been quarantined to rid it of the infestation. the smell was so debilitating that it caused everyone that came in contact with it to get physically sick. thank the Lord jacob wore a mask. one of the guys was sick for days. the devastating part? the container was loaded with leather sofas. there will be one giant funeral for a bunch of beautiful brown leather couches.

today, jessa learned what being homeless means. and no, not by experience. we do still have a roof over our heads (praise God). we were out and about together and there was a man wandering near a stoplight holding a small cardboard sign. as he walked by our car, jessa asked, "what that man doing?" i explained to her that he was homeless and she asked, "why?" of course, to a three year old, that is the next logical question. i explained that he didn't work and that he makes his home outside. she thought about this for a few seconds, trying to rationalize this new concept. she talked then in a smaller voice, almost like she was talking out loud to herself, responding. she said, "he takes naps outside", with a little nod to her reasoning. to her, this is how she understood it. she knew that when he makes his home outside, that means he sleeps outside too. i thought it was good problem solving until she added, "i want to sleep outside too!" this is where i took advantage of explaining the blessings of a hard-working daddy.

i've been thinking lately about some ridiculous irrational fears of mine that i just can seem to shake. before i share some of these in my vulnerability, i don't want you to think i live a life of fear. because, honestly, it is complete opposite. these are just some silly things that can cause a small amount of anxiety in a small amount of time. we all have them, right? ok...don't answer that.

#1 this one i was reminded about as i drove to my hometown last week. they are very popular in dusty, rural, windy areas. and i just happen to live in a place like that. i was chased down by one on our honeymoon (which is not in a place described above) and ended up hugging a tree for my survival. absolute true story. i am always afraid of them sweeping me away to my demise. if you haven't guessed yet, i am referring to dustdevils. and no, not the vacuum cleaner that picks up lint from your carpet. though i hear those can be quite dangerous themselves. when i'm driving and see one swirling in the distance, i tense up and pray they don't come near the car. realistically, i know they don't even have the power to lift up a rabbit running across the desert plain, but for some reason, i have a strange irrational fear of evil smallish twisters.

#2 ahh...bridges. bridges over canyons. bridges over highways. but mostly, bridges over water. this one started just in the last couple of years. there was a news cast about a bridge collapsing a few years back and that just sent me over. each and every time i cross one of those man-built contraptions, i feel a chill run down my spine that coldly continues throughout my body. i think, my car could be the last ounce needed to send this bridge crashing down. pretty vividly disturbing, huh?

#3 wasps. enough said. no really, i get anxiety over these winged, stinging insects. they scare me and i know they can smell my fear. do wasps smell? anyway, they know. they know.

#4 blazing fire. flames. smoke. burning. smoldering piles of ash. i don't like fire. ever since i was a little girl, i've had a fear of my house burning down. probably once a day, it crosses my mind that my house could be on fire. i pause and smell for smoke. seriously. especially when the dryer is going. or the oven. or our fireplace stove. or anything electrical. crazy, i know. that's why it's labeled irrational. other words that would best describe this is: unreasonable, foolish, ridiculous, absurd, silly, unfounded, groundless...oh, the list could go on. could i use cautious? at least i'm prepared with a sturdy escape plan. nope, still crazy.

i'm sure there's more, but those are definitely the top four.

here's a funny story. i had to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago. i always do a sleepy-eye scan of the house as i stumble to my destination. well, i made it safely, did my business and started my trek back to bed. as i came out of the short hallway just outside the bathroom door, there was a large head just a couple of feet in front of me that wasn't there before. my heart leapt up into my head and my stomach danced. that large head? one of jessa's balloons tied to miley's car seat. good thing i didn't see it until after i used the bathroom...