giving in to my limits.

besides the grace of God and His everyday mercies...this little face has gotten me through the last few weeks. everyone has different challenges and struggles in their everyday that are unique to their "limits". well, you could say that my limits have been tested. reached during a few moments of weakness. it seems there is always something. in this case, mostly health reasons for the whole family. never ending. surgery recovery. infections. dental work. flu season bugs. fussy tummies. cough and cold. overwhelming tiredness that i like to call the 'new baby groggies'.

and then there was yesterday. a very hard day for me, to say the least. mostly emotionally draining with that tiredness thrown on the side. however, in my urge to give into my emotional capsizing, the Lord uses that to show His strength. i am weak only so that He may be shown strong in my life. in this case, as i was preparing my sweet cup of jo' in the morning, He used the chill through the window and the gloomy clouds baring down outside to give me a 'wallowa lake moment'. at that precise time, i felt warmed inside by my overflowing memories of a very relaxing place. a place that brings serenity. calmness. peace. i always find Him there. at that place. so it was only right for the Lord to bring me back to Him during my memory escape. i needed it. i needed Him in that moment. i still had a challenging day. but it started out with my mind on my God. the keeper of my day. i had a place to go back to. a place that He encouraged me with.

and that sweet face. on top of every other 'little blessing' that drops in my lap, i constantly have a fresh, new face sent from above to gaze upon. every detail made with love. precise intention and careful exactness. i was watching little j color as we were sharing a page on her bedroom floor and couldn't believe the sameness of their eyes. the girls share similar shape, color, sparkle and an ability to make me smile through a simple glance. unbelievable beauty.


so i have decided. next time i try to strive for personal strength on my own advantages, i will give in to my limitations. it's the only way for me to be opened to sense the strength of a willing God. to stretch me beyond what i thought i could, or couldn't handle. it's the only way to experience His graces of flooding memories to soothe a crying spirit. to embrace what i've been given. blessed with. so next time i am being bombarded with the frustrations of being a new mama of two, i will cry not from within. i will send my cries heavenward. and wait. wait for the storms to turn to sunshine.