a painful situation. literally.

something happened this evening that totally freaked me out. jess had a bit of an accident, involving a stone floor and her head. part of me wants to remember what i'm feeling at this exact moment. feelings of complete fear that her body is doing something harmful internally. and feelings of partial trust {cause if i'm being honest} that the Lord is carrying her through her traumatic experience and soothing her pain.

she was running downstairs in the fireside/play room and as her feet hit the stone floor, she went crashing down. i actually didn't see the events that took place that caused her to fall, but i heard loud crying coming from the other side of a few tables and chairs. as i dropped my pool stick in place with a knot forming in my gut, i raced over to her.

suddenly, the cries stopped and breath was stuck in her purple face. her eyes drifted and shut for what seemed like eternity {but in reality, only about 5 seconds}. she quickly came to and started crying again. the sound was painful and her limp body broke my heart. the hubby picked her up in his arms and sheer terror escaped her mouth. she quite frantically and fearfully told us that she was peeing. at that moment, i knew i needed to find help.

praise the Lord that both nurses i knew were playing in the pool on the other side of the wall. a friend and i went to grab them and we hurriedly explained the situation. as the words "seizure" or "concussion" answered our questions, i felt the tears wanting to fall. i kept them in, forcing to stay calm in the presence of my hurt baby girl. the generous nurses examined and asked jess familiar questions as we gathered around her. obviously, she was overwhelmed and the sobs continued {it doesn't help that she later told us, "i don't want to go to heaven yet."}

all of this might sound more serious than it turned out to be. but honestly, i'm in that place where i'm still not sure. i'm frustrated that i can't physically see her insides. that i can't jump in her little head and make sure there's no swelling. that i can't peek through her belly button to see why her tummy aches.

i'm at a crossroad. am i going to take the path that leads to trusting and prayerful dependence? or the agonizing trail of worry and doubt?

our nursing friends gave us reasons to not be anxious. they gave us signs to look for. things that might not seem normal and precautions to take. jess' ginormous bump protruded from her head {always a good sign} and she is, at this very moment, splashing with daddy in the pool {this is after taking the tricycle for a spin around the courtyard}.

so, it's up to me. allow worry to take over and paralyze my body? or surrender this over to a very capable and loving Father?

i'll take the latter. and tell you how i do.