night's darkness

as the power shut off in the entire neighborhood at 1 in the morning last night, i was reflective at the thought of

"that is exactly how i feel right now."

the outage began with a loud explosion-like sound jolting me from my almost peaceful sleep. kind of how some situations unfolded yesterday. exploding into my lap. unable to contain them. wanting to just hide underneath the comfort of my blankets.

it was then, dark. darker than the night has ever offered. stark black. unable to see in this direction or that. it felt like a bit of fear entered under my skin and crawled its way down my back. at this point, i'm reminding myself that i was not given a heart of fear. it's silly really to be afraid of the dark at an-almost-27 years old, right? the way it lingered in the air. taunting me. even surprising my husband as he stumbled to find our lantern. the silence of the night air through our open window was eerie. dogs barking a few blocks down. the voice of our neighbor echoing in the emptiness.

the darkness was symbolised by my misunderstandings of these certain situations.

i felt i couldn't wrap my mind around what was going on. i couldn't understand the 'why', which most of us struggle with, generally. i hurt for these unfortunate obligations of life. the darkness of a situation is always looming. heavy. unpleasant to be surrounded by and wrapped up in.

as jacob brought the lantern into the room and placed it at the foot of our bed on the floor, it lit up the space like a breath of fresh air. it chased away the dark. it brought a deep breath into my chest. in, then out. clarity to the night. night's darkness couldn't loom any longer.

which brings me to my eternal breath of fresh air. as the sun rose and another new day dawned, i was quickly reminded of my Jesus. He is the reason i don't have to get completely lost in the dark. He's my way out. He's my keeper of light. He is the light. i kept telling myself this yesterday as one situation was bombarded by another. i tried really hard to remind myself that in the scheme of eternity, it's not that bad. the only One i need to care about knowing and understanding, already does. my biggest concern right now, is being capable of bringing Him glory when all else fails. He deserves it. in my good and in my bad. i find when i praise the Lord in my bad, it is always for my good.

that darkness doesn't seem as overwhelming when my perspective changes. now, for these situations. i just pray the Lord will work. work for the goodness of those He loves. and use me as His vessel. to love and continually build my character to bring Him glory.